Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
