remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
