Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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