so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
