pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
