I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
