Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
well you can't waste a boner
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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