soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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