I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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