drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I looked at my own cervix.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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