I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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