you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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