My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
God I need to hump something, right now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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