do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
