I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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