dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
