I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
