I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
