i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
