Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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