don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
