Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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