i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
