i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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