I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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