I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
