we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
