Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
