dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
