Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
