I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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