hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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