it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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