So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
