The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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