i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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