Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize