I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Send help, water and tortillas.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
