You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
