shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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