Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
