Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
