My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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