I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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