He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize