I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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