im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
