Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
