I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
