just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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