What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
