I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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