My hand turned me down
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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