Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
