After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
