I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
