I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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