and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
