I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have fence marks all over my body
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
