How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
