There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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