so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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