i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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